


Are You Gonna Kiss Me or Not?

by nopuedo



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2015-04-19
Packaged: 2018-03-24 16:37:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3775771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nopuedo/pseuds/nopuedo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was only the familiar misery that crept into their bones, slept in the secret chambers of their hearts, and wept the stinging tears that their positions could not afford.</p><p>There was only this grueling life and this grueling love, revealed in sidelong glances and stolen moments comprised of bruising kisses, trembling hands that sought confirmation of the other, and the inhuman sounds that conveyed desperation better than any language.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr!  
> http://the-barkeep-is-my-spirit-animal.tumblr.com/  
> Come say hello! And thanks for reading!

Levi and Erwin avoided each other as much as was humanly possible. They resisted that temptation, neither trusting his will to be strong enough to hold if he spent too much time in the other’s company. 

Still, their eyes would accidentally lock as they tried (and failed) to discreetly steal glances at the other during a strategy meeting or across the mess hall. Each man guarded his secret out of respect for the precarious situation they found themselves in—their world was not exactly a lovestruck teenager’s fantasy. 

Round and round they went. If neither Levi nor Erwin acknowledged the fear that clenched their heart whenever they didn’t see the other back in formation after an attack, if they ignored the way their entire body felt electric when the other stood or sat close by, if they stuffed all of those feelings into a fortified safe and threw away the key, maybe, just maybe, they could pretend like they were to each other what they were to every other soldier—comrades.

But despite their best efforts, one not-so-special day, Levi and Erwin barreled head first into each other as Erwin rounded a corner, too distracted by the report he was perusing to look where he was going.

“Watch it, you fucking tree,” Levi growled.

“Sorry,” Erwin mumbled, reaching for his papers that had scattered about.

Levi picked the remaining pages up from the floor, straightened them, and handed them to his commander. 

“Thank you, Levi,” Erwin said, breathing a small sigh of relief at the excuse to look at the man. He stood there, unmoving and enjoying the moment, a bit too long. 

Levi stared back, fighting with every ounce of strength he had to stand firm in his conviction. But when he saw those blue eyes glint with the closest thing to happiness that he had ever seen, the very last thread that held him together snapped. He huffed and said, “Oi, are you gonna kiss me or not?”

It took less than half a second for a smile to find his lips and less than half a second more for those lips to finally find Levi’s.

\---

Eight months later, Erwin spent the better part of his day off in town, rifling through the jeweler’s limited stock. He needed a ring that would be meaningful, but not ostentatious. He eventually decided on a silver band with a delicate engraved design. He walked back to the base, the small weight of the ring in his pocket lighting his nerves on fire as it tapped against his leg with each step.

He found Levi in his office, polishing the top of the heavy wooden desk. “Have time for a break?” Erwin asked. “I thought we might sit outside and catch the sunset.” 

“Yeah. Sounds fine,” Levi said still scrubbing furiously at some long-dried ink.

“Leviii,” he sang, knowing the sheer foolishness of it would capture his Captain’s attention.

“What, you creepy old man?” he asked, pulling the bandana from his face.

“The sunset.”

“Whatever,” said Levi, following Erwin out of the office looking not the least bit annoyed.

They sat at their favorite place, or rather Levi’s favorite place that he had shared with Erwin shortly after their first kiss and had since become their secret spot. The roof of the supply building had the distinct advantage of being on the far edge of the training yard rendering them far from prying eyes.

They’d sat on the rooftop in comfortable silence for a good twenty minutes before the last ephemeral blush of red bid them goodnight. Levi inched closer to Erwin, seeking his warmth. Erwin wrapped an arm around Levi’s waist, seeking this exact moment.

”Levi,” Erwin said, using all his practiced control to not betray himself before he even began. “It’s not often enough that I express how I truly feel about you. It’s not often enough that I have the opportunity to. Denying myself the pleasure of telling you the truth will protect neither you nor I when it is clear as day that our relationship runs deeper than it properly should. In that case, I would rather treasure this moment when I admit that in words that leave nothing to the imagination.”

He imagined that Levi might be confused, perhaps offer a quizzical look. But, as usual, his Levi understood the intent behind his words, even if he had no taste for the words themselves.

“Cut the fancy talk, shithead. What exactly are you trying to say?”

“I love you and I wonder that if, maybe, you love me too, you would have this token of my devotion as a constant reminder of the bright flame of love that we have ignited in this dim world.” Erwin exhibited the ring between his thumb and forefinger and waited for Levi’s response. Levi glanced briefly at the ring and then fixed his gaze upon Erwin. He slipped the band onto his finger without breaking eye contact and said “So, you gonna kiss me now, or what?”


	2. Chapter 2

Levi wore the ring every day for two years, most days on a chain around his neck to keep it safe from the blood and filth that stained his hands. But, on the nights when the world felt calm enough to allow him to remove it from under his collar and wear it on his hand, the ring and its delicate engraving would wink in the dim light, whispering its significance to all who were fortunate enough to catch it out of hiding.

One such night found Levi absent-mindedly swirling his teacup, his ring catching and throwing the light with each revolution. Things hadn’t been good for a long time. Tolerable sometimes. Satisfying rarely. But mostly stagnant. Every expedition was only met with more bitter disappointment than the last. It seemed that the outcome of every foray, military, political, or otherwise was governed by some inconsolable god hell-bent on punishing the sniveling poor who had failed to appease him.

There was only the familiar misery that crept into their bones, slept in the secret chambers of their hearts, and wept the stinging tears that their positions could not afford.

There was only this grueling life and this grueling love, revealed in sidelong glances and stolen moments comprised of bruising kisses, trembling hands that sought confirmation of the other, and the inhuman sounds that conveyed desperation better than any language.

 

So, when Erwin caught the gleam of Levi’s ring and was struck suddenly with a swell of gentle affection, it took even his brilliant mind a moment to understand the reason. He let the feeling stick a moment, let it carry him back to moments years earlier when he felt tenderness for the man who now sat before him.

“Levi,” he said softly.

Levi’s eye regained their focus and his tiddling hand stilled, but he did not look over.

“What?”

“Do you remember what I said when I gave you that ring?”

Levi’s eyes narrowed, suspicious. He remembered Erwin’s speech, verbatim. Like hell he would ever admit that.

“Something about a flame and a constant reminder or some sentimental shit like that?”

Erwin could not help smiling to himself.

“Yes. That. Well, it seems to be doing its job. For me, at least.” He rose from his position behind his desk and strode over to the small sofa where Levi sat. Arranging himself carefully so as to not tower over his Captain, he took a seat beside him and gingerly intertwined their fingers. Levi huffed but made no physical protest.

“But, do you think, that maybe, it might be time to give that ring another secret to tout around with it?”

Levi turned to face Erwin, his eyes full of doubt, as if he couldn’t convince himself of what Erwin had just said.

“There really isn’t any point in denying ourselves something so painfully true, Levi. So why not? If it’d make both of us happy, even just for a brief moment in this desolation, why not? Marry me.”

Levi could conjure a hundred different reasons. Because it was selfish. Because what’s the fucking point? Because it was stupid. Because it could reveal their weakness for the other. Because he’d have to admit to himself that he was not only capable of love, but that he spent every god-forsaken day in it. Because he’d have to go buy a shitty ring. Because it was ridiculous and unnecessary.

He sifted through his thoughts and each and every one of them slowly devolved into a single, much simpler sentiment—fuck it.

“Fuck it. Why not?”

They set the date for the week after next.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments/suggestions are always appreciated here or on tumblr!
> 
> http://the-barkeep-is-my-spirit-animal.tumblr.com/


End file.
